Friendships After 50: Build Them and Keep Them Strong

The Quiet Coffee Moment

Every Friday at 7 AM, Tom pours two cups of coffee, one for himself and one in honor of the buddy he wishes were there to share it. In his 30s and 40s, Tom had plenty of pals to grab a beer or tee off with. Now at 60, recently retired and with grown kids moved away, he’s startled by the quietness of his phone. Sound familiar? Many men over 50 discover their circle of friends has quietly thinned over the years. One man was asked who his best friend is; he paused and finally said, “probably my wife.” His wife, meanwhile, could rattle off a dozen close friends. This isn’t just Tom’s problem or thatguy’s dad’s story, it’s a common midlife wake-up call.

Why do friendships often fade after 50, and what can you do about it? The good news: it’s never too late to make new friends or strengthen old ties. And doing so isn’t just a nice way to pass the time, it might literally add years to your life and life to your years. Grab a cup of coffee (or call up a buddy to join you) and let’s get into friendships after 50 and why they matter so much

Core Idea: Why Friendships Matter (Especially After 50)

By the time we hit 50, we’ve learned stuff: Cholesterol counts. The importance of stretching. Maybe even how to program the DVR. But one lesson that often comes late is just how vital friendships are to our health and happiness, particularly in midlife and beyond. In fact, research shows that friendship might be the single most important factor influencing our well-being and longevity. Surprised? Consider this: strong social connections can boost your mood, reduce stress, and even help you live longer. One landmark meta-analysis found that people with robust social relationships had a 50% greater chance of survival over time than those who were socially isolated. Loneliness, on the other hand, can be downright dangerous. It’s been compared to smoking 15 cigarettes a day in terms of health impact.

For men in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, friendship can be a literal lifesaver. It’s easy to slip into thinking “I’m fine on my own” or “my spouse is the only friend I need.” Yet study after study finds that having good buddies reduces our risk of heart disease, depression, cognitive decline and more. A six-year study of older men in Sweden even found that having close friends was linked to lower risk of heart attacks, whereas simply having a spouse was not enough to lower the risk . And an Australian study reported that seniors with many friends were 22% more likely to outlive those with few friends over a decade. In plain terms: friends help you live longer and live better.

Why are friendships so powerful, especially as we get older? For one, friends get us out and about. You might take a walk with a buddy or join a weekly golf foursome. Without even noticing, you’re staying more active and engaged with the world around you. Friends also give us emotional support and perspective. Just laughing over old stories or sharing what’s worrying you can release tension. In a 2023 study, even brief daily interactions with friends significantly reduced older adults’ feelings of stress and fatigue. Another long-term study found that frequent social activity can slow cognitive decline by an average of 70%. Essentially, friendships are like a multi-vitamin for your mind and body, boosting happiness, sharpening your brain, and buffering stress.

Illustration: Think of two men in their 70s: Alan, who has coffee every Tuesday with his buddies from his old job, and Bill, who mostly watches TV solo. Alan’s Tuesdays give him something to look forward to: lively conversation, camaraderie, maybe a chance to vent or laugh about the news. Bill, alone, has no such outlet. Over time, Alan stays more upbeat and active, while Bill grows more withdrawn. It’s not hard to guess who feels better day-to-day. As one expert put it, having close friends can be “the single most important factor” for health and happiness in our later years.

Action – Make Friendship a Priority: It’s easy to dismiss socializing as optional, but given the health stakes, consider it part of your wellness routine. This week, reach out to a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Grab lunch together or simply give them a call. If you’ve been relying solely on your spouse for connection, challenge yourself to reconnect with an old buddy or say “yes” to a neighbor’s invitation. Treat friendship like the vital necessity it is: schedule it, nurture it, and watch it enrich your life.

Midlife Changes: Navigating the Friendship Shake-Up

Life after 50 can feel like someone hit the “shuffle” button on your social playlist. The kids leave home, you retire or cut back on work, maybe you downsize or move to a new town. These changes can profoundly affect our friendships. Suddenly, the daily interactions with colleagues are gone, or the neighbors you used to barbecue with have moved. It’s perfectly normal to feel a bit unmoored during these transitions. In fact, 1 in 4 adults over 50 reports feeling isolated at least some of the time, and 1 in 3 say they lack regular companionship. That’s a lot of people in our age bracket quietly grappling with loneliness.

Midlife is also a time of losses and shifts. Some friends might relocate for retirement. We may lose friends or spouses to illness. Even positive changes, like a well-earned retirement, can leave a gap where work friends used to be. And let’s not forget the curveball of recent years: the COVID-19 pandemic. Many of us lost friends during the pandemic due to disrupted routines and social distancing (or worse); nearly half of men 50–64 said they lost touch with a few friends in that period. It’s as if midlife comes with an automatic audit of your address book, and suddenly you’re seeing more blank pages than you’d like.

These emotional challenges are real. It can hurt to realize a friendship has faded or to feel like you don’t have a pal to grab a beer with when you really need to talk. Major life changes can even threaten our sense of identity. For example, if you always bonded with buddies at work, who are you when you’re no longer the boss or the mentor? The key is to recognize these shifts as natural and, importantly, surmountable. Loneliness is not a personal failing; it’s a signal that you miss something fundamentally human – connection. Even the U.S. Surgeon General has declared loneliness an “epidemic,” warning it’s worse for health than obesity or inactivity. In midlife and beyond, we must heed that warning and actively tend to our social well-being just as we would our blood pressure or bank account.

Illustration: Jack, 58, recently retired from a decades-long teaching career. On his last day, he was flooded with well-wishes and promises of “let’s keep in touch.” Fast forward a year, and Jack realizes he hasn’t heard from most of his old colleagues. The friendly hallway chats and breakroom laughs he took for granted are gone, and his days feel lonelier. Recognizing this, Jack decides to act: he organizes a monthly breakfast for any former coworkers who can make it. The first meetup, only two people show, but they have a great time. A few months later, the group grows to six regulars, and that once-empty calendar now has a bright spot Jack looks forward to. By proactively responding to the friendship shake-up of retirement, Jack turned a potential loneliness trap into a new tradition.

Action – Embrace Transitions as Opportunities: Midlife changes will happen. You can’t stop your best friend from moving to the coast or prevent retirement from altering daily routines. But you can respond in ways that keep you connected. If you’re retiring, consider joining a local club or weekly group before your last day of work, so you seamlessly transition into new social circles. Lost a close friend or spouse? Reach out to support groups or community centers. Shared experiences of loss can spark deep new friendships. Moving to a new area? Don’t wait for neighbors to introduce themselves; knock on a door or two, attend a town event, or join a class to meet people. Yes, it takes courage to put yourself out there. It might feel awkward at first (Dunbar, a friendship researcher notes, as we age, we get more hesitant to “get up and go out” to meet new people). But every new acquaintance is a chance to rebuild that social safety net. Midlife isn’t the end of your social life, it’s a pivot point to re-invest in the friendships that will carry you through the years ahead.

Men and Friendship: Breaking the Barriers

Let’s address the elephant in the room (wearing a football jersey and refusing to talk about feelings): male friendship. Culturally, many of us guys were raised to be independent, stoic, and self-reliant. Needing friends or (gasp) emotional support might have been seen as a weakness. By midlife, those old norms can really bite us in the ass. Studies show that men, especially older men, have fewer close friends than women the same age. In the U.S., only 27% of men report having six or more close friends, almost half the rate from just a few decades ago. And the number of men with zero close friends has skyrocketed: back in 1990, only 3% of men said they had no close buddies; today, 15% of men have no close friends at all. Meanwhile in the UK, a recent survey found a quarter of men over 55 said they never see their friends. It’s what some call a “friendship recession” for men.

Why the decline? One theory is that sustaining close friendships often nudges men outside traditional “guy” behavior. Sharing feelings, being vulnerable, making an effort; for some of us, those muscles are underdeveloped. “We gender relationships as feminine,” says Judy Chu, who studies boys’ development, meaning society teaches men that needing friends is somehow unmanly. The same Dunbar from two paragraphs up, the friendship researcher, puts it bluntly: “Men are inherently socially lazy”; when we lose friends, we don’t bother to rekindle or replace them as readily . Harsh? Maybe, but think about it: how many times have you thought about calling a buddy only to say, “Ah, I’ll do it later”, or assumed your friends will be there whenever you happen to run into them?

Another barrier: men’s friendships often center on activities more than heart-to-heart conversation. We might have golfing buddies, fishing buddies, work buddies. Relationships where we talk sports, trade banter, but not necessarily confide our deeper fears or dreams. Dunbar notes that men’s friendships tend to be “clubby” and based on shared interests, with conversation “largely designed to trigger laughter” rather than emotional exchange. There’s nothing wrong with that style; laughter and camaraderie are fantastic and I’ve had many a sore rib the next morning from laughing too hard! But it can mean that when life throws a curveball (illness, divorce, a bout of depression), men may not feel comfortable turning those buddies for support, or we may not even know how to begin. Women, having often practiced emotional sharing with friends, can find solace in a circle of gals; men might find themselves unsure who to call at 2 AM when anxiety hits.

The result of these patterns is that too many men let great friendships fade to a holiday card relationship (or nothing at all). We tell ourselves, “Bob and I can always pick up where we left off, even if it’s been two years.” But as relationship expert Dr. Robert Garfield warns, two or three years of radio silence is too long. Life moves on, and without regular contact, even old friends drift into stranger territory. In other words: a friendship you don’t consistently invest in may not be there when you really need it.

Illustration: Frank, 55, realized after a health scare that aside from his wife, he had no one he felt comfortable calling to talk about what he was going through. His golf buddies were fun on weekends, sure, but he’d never discussed anything deeper than tee times with them. Determined to change, Frank decided to test the waters with one of his long-time golf friends, Mike. After a round, instead of the usual “See ya next week,” Frank mentioned he’d been dealing with a medical issue that really scared him. To his surprise, Mike opened up about his own experience with surgery the year before. That conversation created a new level of trust between them. Now, they still rag each other about their swings, but they also check in about health, family, and life. Frank says that he and Mike went from golf buddies to true buddies. All it took was one of them breaking the unspoken “men don’t talk feelings” rule. Note that the sky didn’t fall.

Action – Build Your Buddy System: If you’re a man who’s been coasting with casual friendships, challenge yourself to deepen at least one of them. Pick a trusted friend and share something real about your life the next time you chat. It doesn’t have to be super heavy. Even mentioning, “I’ve been stressed about XYZ” or asking, “How are you holding up with everything lately?” can open the door. You might be surprised how ready other men are for real conversation once someone takes the first step. Also, put a little effort on the calendar: don’t just assume friendships happen magically. Initiate a monthly guys’ night or a weekend hike. Be the one who reaches out, even if it feels vulnerable. It might feel weird the first time, but that’s okay! The payoff is having a support network that goes deeper than surface-level. Breaking the old stereotypes starts with each of us choosing to value and tend to our friendships. Remember, needing a friend is human, not weakness. In fact, it’s one of the strongest things you can do for your well-being.

How to Make New Friends After 50

By now, you might be thinking, “Alright, I’m sold – friends are important. But how the heck do I find new friends at my age?” Fair question. Making friends as an adult can feel daunting, especially if you’re no longer in the built-in social petri dish of school or the workplace or your kids’ team sports. The idea of walking into a room of strangers or joining a group solo can give anyone flashbacks to the first day of high school. Here’s the secret: a lot of people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s are feeling just like you, eager for connection, but hesitant to make the first move. So, give yourself permission to be a bit awkward and understand that meeting new people now might take more intentional effort. The great news is, communities want to help. There’s a growing movement, from local libraries to online platforms, focused on helping older adults connect with each other. You’re definitely not alone in seeking new pals.

First, it helps to change how we think about friendship-making. Instead of waiting for “the perfect friend” to miraculously appear, focus on shared activities and interests. Common ground is the classic friendship spark at any age. Loved playing basketball in your youth? Check if there’s a local men’s pickup league (and ask if there’s a group or level that includes guys only our age). Enjoy reading? See if your community center or library has a book club. Faith-based groups, hobby clubs, continuing education classes, or volunteer projects are all fertile ground for meeting like-minded peers. Research shows that our brains naturally feel a bit wary about meeting strangers in midlife – an evolutionary quirk to protect us – but once you’re in a structured activity, that wariness fades as you bond over the activity itself. You might not become best friends with everyone at the woodshop class or gardening group, but all you need is one or two connections to click.

Don’t overlook the power of technology either. Yes, it’s ironic and we complain that Facebook replaced real face time, but used smartly, tech can introduce you to real-life friendship opportunities. Websites and apps like Meetup (for interest-based group gatherings) and Stitch (designed to help folks over 50 meet up for activities) are excellent tools. There are virtual communities for seniors, and local community boards online where people post gatherings. For example, one widower in his 60s joined a virtual senior center class on history, and after some sessions, the local attendees decided to meet up in person for coffee. Boom! New friend group born. The key is to leverage these tools to get offline and meetwhen you’re comfortable.

Illustration: Charlie, 62, moved to a new city after downsizing his home. He barely knew a soul in town. Instead of stewing in solitude, Charlie took a leap: he signed up for a weekly bird-watching walk he found through a local Meetup group. The first morning, he felt a bit out of place, these folks all seemed to know each other’s names. But by the end of the walk, after jointly spotting an eagle and sharing a laugh, Charlie was chatting easily with a couple of guys. They invited him to join them for brunch. Fast forward six months: Charlie now leads the bird walk on occasion and has a standing Sunday breakfast with his new friends, where talk ranges from hobbies to who’s babysitting the grandkids this week. Stepping into a new social scene was intimidating, but Charlie discovered what many others have: most people are friendly and welcoming if you give them a chance, and many are grateful you broke the ice because they were too shy to do it themselves.

Action – Find Your Friend Spots: Here are a few simple ways to start making new friends after 50. Pick one and give it a try in the next month:

The bottom line is to be proactive. Not every attempt will turn into a lifelong friend, and that’s okay. You’re essentially increasing your “at-bats,” giving yourself chances to meet people. With a positive attitude and a bit of courage, you’ll find your people.

Keeping Friendships Strong Through the Years

Making friends is only step one. The real art and joy is in keeping those friendships strong as the years roll on. Think of friendship like a garden: you don’t need to toil at it every day, but you do need to water it consistently. Unfortunately, life has a way of letting us drift apart if we’re not intentional. How many good friends from your past have you thought about contacting, only to realize “Wow, it’s been years”? The beauty of midlife is we often have more freedom. Maybe our careers are less demanding or the kids are grown, which can translate into more time for friends. Use that time wisely. Strong friendships at this stage don’t just happen by accident; they’re built on deliberate acts of connection, understanding, and care.

Start with the simple stuff: reach out regularly. Don’t be the guy who says, “We should get together sometime,” and then lets another year pass. Set a reminder if you have to. Send a text every couple of weeks, grab a coffee every month. Regular contact keeps the friendship current. Remember that study where some men thought seeing their buddy every 2–3 years was enough, and experts said that’s not going to cut it? They’re right. If years go by, you’re essentially becoming acquaintances again. Frequent interaction, even brief, keeps the bond alive. It can be as small as forwarding a funny article and saying “This made me think of you,” or as personal as a phone call to ask “How’s your knee replacement recovery going?” These little gestures are like watering the garden.

Another ingredient for long-term friendship success is a dose of vulnerability and support. As we get older, we’re going to face some tough stuff; health scares, family struggles, losses. A strong friendship isn’t just about having fun together (though that’s important too); it’s also about showing up when life is hard. I think more and more these days about the saying that 90% of success and a good life is just about showing up. Don’t be afraid to let your friends know when you’re struggling, and equally, be the friend who can listen without judgment when they share their troubles. It might feel uncomfortable if you’re not used to it, but those deeper connections form when friends know they can count on each other no matter what. Also, celebrate the good stuff together, a new grandbaby, a retirement, a personal victory. Sharing joy is as bonding as sharing pain.

Finally, adapt and be flexible as years go by. In our 50s, we might all be relatively active; by 80s, maybe the weekly tennis game turns into a weekly card game. The activities may change with age, but the connection doesn’t have to. If a friend moves to a warmer climate, commit to phone or video chats, and maybe even the occasional trip if possible. It’s so much easier these days to stay in touch virtually, take advantage of that to bridge the miles. The effort is well worth it. As one study noted, daily encounters with friends tend to be more pleasant and boost our mood more than time spent with even our own family. That’s not a knock on family; it’s a reminder that friends bring a special kind of lightness and comfort. They are the family we choose, and nurturing those chosen family ties brings immense fulfillment in later life.

Illustration: Sam and Pete have been friends since their 20s. In their 50s, careers and kids meant they only caught up a few times a year. Realizing they both were nearing retirement, they made a pact at 65: no more drifting. They started a new routine, a phone call every Sunday evening, plus meeting in person for fishing once every season. A decade into this routine, their wives joke that Sam and Pete have a better communication schedule than most long-distance couples. When Pete lost his wife, Sam was on the next plane to be by his side; when Sam had a serious surgery, Pete checked in daily. Now in their 70s, they credit that simple commitment years ago as the reason their friendship is rock-solid today.

Action – Keep the Friendship Fire Burning:

Remember, strong friendships aren’t measured by quantity (how many friends you have) but by quality – how those friends make you feel and how you show up for each other. Whether you have two very close friends or twenty, the effort you invest is what makes those relationships flourish. And unlike many things in midlife (like our knees or our eyesight), friendships often get better with age, if we care for them.

Emotional Resonance: Friendship as the Lifeline in Midlife and Beyond

Reflect for a moment on all the phases you’ve been through: youthful adventures, career climbs, family growing, maybe some failures and reinvented dreams. Through each chapter, friendships have been the backdrop – sometimes front and center, other times quietly in the wings. After 50, as our roles and routines change, friendships take on a new emotional richness. They become mirrors that remind us who we are outside of our job title or family role. They become a source of identity (“I’m not just a retired accountant, I’m also Joe’s best friend since college”). In midlife, a good friend can make you feel seen and valued in a way that’s different from what your partner or kids can provide.

Midlife can bring questions like “What’s my purpose now?” or “Who am I if I’m not as needed as before?” Friends help us answer those by simply being there, sharing laughs, lending an ear, or dragging us out of the house when we’d otherwise stew in our worries. They remind us that we’re still growing and still connected to the world. The emotional resonance of a strong friendship in this stage is profound: it’s knowing there’s someone who genuinely cares about your inner world, not just the externals. It’s the comfort of a shared history.

As we head into the later decades, friendships often become more intentional and heartfelt. We tend to prioritize quality time with people who uplift us and distance ourselves from shallow or toxic relationships. This is backed by research: older adults focus on smaller, closer circles that provide emotional meaning (socioemotional selectivity theory, if you like the jargon). In plain terms, we’d rather have a few true-blue friends than a crowd of acquaintances, and that select group becomes a big source of joy and resilience.

If there’s one thing to take to heart, it’s that you deserve friendship and connection throughout your life. No matter if you’re 50 or 75 or 95, you’re never too old to laugh till your sides hurt with a friend, to learn something new from them, or to be there for each other. Yes, it can be harder to make friends or keep them in midlife, but as we’ve discussed, it’s absolutely doable and totally worth it. And if you’re reading this thinking, “Well, I haven’t been a great friend lately” or “I let my friendships lapse,” don’t beat yourself up. It’s not too late. Call up that old friend and say hello. Join that group even if you feel shy. Take the initiative to plan that guys’ getaway you always talked about. Chances are that others are longing for that connection just as much as you are.

In the end, friendships are one of life’s greatest treasures, especially as we get older. They are the people who will rib you about your gray hair but also drive you to your doctor’s appointment. They’re the ones who remember the dumb things you did at 25 and still think you’re great at 65. They make the good times sweeter and the hard times easier. Invest in your friendships with the same care and attention you give to other important parts of your life. The return on that investment, measured in laughter, comfort, a sense of belonging, and yes, maybe even extra years of life, is priceless.

Sources